Sacrifices

I relearned an important lesson this week from Alyssa.  It certainly wasn't easy, and I'm just hoping it'll be worth it, but it all remains to be seen.

Basically Alyssa wants to take things slower than I do.  She wants time to make sure she's absolutely sure of what we're going to do before she'll commit.  I don't necessarily agree with that kind of thinking, but that doesn't change the fact that she does think like that.  On Friday, we had a long, serious talk about it.  I came to the conclusion that if I want things to work out, I'll have to do it at her pace and give up all of my desires and the feelings I've had to be married sooner.  I did it in return for her openness and nothing more.

I remembered my mission and the lessons I learned in that time.  I remembered that charity is a powerful force for good, and that it requires us to put others above ourselves and consider their needs and desires before our own.  I remembered the promises I've made with the Lord to sacrifice all that I have for Him and His kingdom.  I realized that if I really love Alyssa as much as I think I do, I should do the same things for her.

I took the decision to drop my own wants and needs in order to satisfy hers.  I'm going to be patient with her and let her figure this out in her own time.  In the meantime, I'll be doing all that I can to remind her how much I really do love her.  I'm doing it all on the conviction I have that God grants according to our righteous desires when we act in faith.  I have no guarantee that she'll get an answer, that the answer will be me, or that she'll want to be married as soon as I'd like.

That's really what faith is, though.  It's stepping out into the dark, knowing that God will put solid ground under our feet even though we can't even fathom it being there.  When we do it enough, we begin to see, and light fills our life.  Eventually, we see enough to understand that there may or may not have even been solid ground when we took that first step, but God put it there because we acted with complete trust in Him.  He won't let us fall if we exercise faith in Him.

So here I am, stepping out into the dark, waiting for the girl I love to come around to the idea of marrying me, not knowing if she ever will, but willing to wait until she does.  No sacrifice is too great for me if it means having her forever.

Thankfully, we had just been to a great MoTab concert before that Friday night conversation.  Absolutely an inspired decision.

Also, many thanks to our other friend Alyssa who helped me feel better about the decision before the confirmation of it came.