I'd assume that anyone who even knows this blog exists and knows me already knows that I'm engaged.  I thought it'd be a good idea to just put the whole story on here so that when people ask, I can just refer them here (even though I know they'll still make me tell the story right then and there).  Anyway, I also like telling stories... so I'll go ahead and tell this one.

It was a dark and stormy night...

Wait, wrong story.

I got an email on August 14 that the ring I had ordered for Lys had arrived.  Naturally, I made some quick plans to propose ASAP.  Serendipitously, I had already planned to take her to a play that's very special for us (Aida) the very next night.  Sweet.  I threw together a plan with my mom and older sister that morning after early work, and then went to other work.  I also stopped by her house to tell her mom to have Lys dress in a specific dress to match what I was wearing so we'd get some good pictures.  I called the jeweler and asked to have a nicer center stone put in than just a CZ.  He told me it would be all ready by 5.  My plan was to pick it up at 5:20 ish.  Perfect.  I have a normal day at work, get off early to pick up the ring, and get to the jeweler's around 5:25.

Upon arrival, I asked for John, with whom I had worked, to find that he was on the phone.  They give me the ring, but can't find the wedding band.  I'm sitting here waiting so impatiently, having told Lys that I'd pick her up at 6:30.  Eventually, John comes out, we find the band, they explain a bunch of stuff to me, and I pay for the center stone.  After running my card, they couldn't print the receipt, so they had to check a bunch of stuff and I got out of there at like 6:10... I'm stressin' a little by now.

I get home, get stuff ready, change, etc.  As soon as I get home, my mom and sister leave to run an errand when they had said that they would go ahead of us to set everything up.  I'm stressin' a little more now.  Then my little sister texted my dad and said she wants to come, but she needs to get there from Provo.  Now I'm stressin' a lot.  I'm sitting here waiting to go, knowing that Lys is waiting for me and may begin to suspect something, but not being able to do anything. 

Things worked out and we left.

I got to Lys's house around 6:45, we left around 6:55, and were off.  She was wanting dinner, so I started driving to the temple where I had dinner waiting.  I drove past Costa, where she had suggested we eat, so she was a little weirded out, but then thought maybe we were going to the Costa where Mariah works.  I innocently drove past that one on the basis of "I don't know where it's at exactly..."  Apparently she wasn't fooled, because that's when she started to suspect something was up.  She was also hoping for a bathroom soon, and expected one upon arrival at Costa.  Sorry, Lys, no such luck.  Also, there's more to that than what I'm saying, but she might get upset if I share all of that.  Ask her in person sometime.

We make it to the temple, find a bathroom in a nearby church building.  As we pulled up, I got a text from my sister saying that I need to stall for 10 minutes (that turned into almost 20).  Thankfully, bathroom breaks took longer than normal, and I stalled a little in the church parking lot, then outside deciding what we would need to bring in.  Thankfully, the play happened to be right where I had planned to take her for dinner.  Finally, I get the go ahead from the fam and we head to the designated place. 

We start walking towards the venue and happen upon a blanket with Costa, water, and a borrowed guitar that's a lot nicer than mine.  I had promised her earlier to show her a "new song" that I was working on sometime, so that seemed like the appropriate time to do it.  I first played her a song that I had written for her before I left.  You could say it was kind of nostalgic.  Then I played her the new song (that I had actually finished writing that very day), and was meant as a proposal song.  Basically, it's "I'll love you for forever.  Will you love me for forever?" but with a little bit better lyrics (I'm really not much of a lyricist, though).  By then, she was tearing up, so I reached in my bag and pulled out...

A note!  That was a purposeful fake out because I knew she'd be expecting a ring at that point.  While I was in Mexico, she gave me some thank you cards to give to people, so I saved on of them for her and wrote a note on it that was kind of the same message as the song with some promises added in.  I made her read it out loud (she cried through most of it), and as she did, I slyly pulled out the ring from my bag.  The note ended "There's just one condition..." and I whipped out that ring and asked her to marry me.  She said yes.  We hugged and stuff.  Life was (and is) good.  My family also jumped out of the bushes at that moment to get some pictures and haul our stuff away so we didn't have to worry about it.

Now we're engaged! 

Here are pictures:

 

So there's that ring I gave her

 

 

The two happiest people on earth

We've had plenty of ups and downs since then, but things are going well.  I'm just happy with my life.  There are plenty of difficulties, but I know deep down that things will work out.  This has been my dream for the last 4 years, and now it's finally coming true.

Now I just have to get Lys to not stress about making plans and what not.  She tends to do that.  Like a lot.  

I love you Lys.  I'm sure excited to spend eternity with you!

Don't Wait: Do

This conversation went on in my head this morning

"Good things come to those who wait"

Really?

Well yeah, you decided to wait for Alyssa and be patient with her and now you're engaged!

Ok, but that was a lot more than just sitting and waiting.

Well you just kept doing all the same things except for pressuring her into a decision.

Exactly.  I wasn't just waiting, I was doing all that I could to help her come to the decision herself, all the while reigning in my desire to move faster in favor of her needs and wants.

True... but you still just ended up waiting.

Not at all.  This was a very active process that required enormous amounts of faith and patience on my part.  I'm not sure I believe that quote to be true.  Waiting doesn't really get us anywhere.  Doing does.  Believing does.  Trusting does.  Waiting is passive.  The others are active.  We aren't meant to be passive, to be acted upon, we are active beings who influence circumstance instead of being influenced by them. 

Well that's true, I guess.  Waiting is more just the passage of time than anything.  [I enter an office with Isaiah 40:31 hung up on the wall].

See?  That's exactly what I'm talking about.  Waiting on the Lord isn't just letting time go by and then all of a sudden you renew your strength and mount up with wings as eagles.  The waiting that it says here is more than just the passage of time.  It is believing that God has a plan for each of us, trusting that whatever happens is a part of that plan, and doing all that we can to live in accordance with His will.  That's the kind of "waiting" that will bring good things to people.

Ok, that makes more sense.  So what about [names of two loved ones] who are struggling right now?  What can you do?

I wish I knew.  I want to help so badly, but my range of influence on either of them is pretty limited.

Well maybe you could apply this whole waiting lesson.  Maybe there isn't much you can do, but you can always take care of yourself and love them both as much as possible.  After that, you just believe that things will work out and trust in God's plan.

That's not a bad idea.  It changed Alyssa's heart, maybe it'll change theirs.

There you go.  You just make sure you're doing what you can for Alyssa and for them, and the Lord will do the rest.  Remember that quote that Pres. Monson gave?  "Do your duty, that is best, leave unto the Lord the rest."

Right.  That's how I've gotten where I am now, and I can't say I'm disappointed with that.  Perhaps a little more waiting will begin to have an effect.  I'll trust in the Lord and His plan for them either way, though.  If He wills it, they'll get better.  If not, then there's something important to be learned from the experience.

That's the spirit!  Now get back to work, you're already behind schedule.  [end of conversation]

I'm not schizophrenic, I promise, but I like to talk things out, and when I'm alone, I have to do it with myself.

In the midst of a very emotionally bipolar weekend, that scripture told me what I needed to hear this morning.  Between becoming engaged, my future sister-in-law having a baby, and falling so much more in love with Alyssa and realizing we may barely scrape by, having more problems with those two loved ones (one more than the other, but still...), and just wondering if I'm good enough to make this all work out, I found solace in the hope that:

"They that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."

That's a better quote than the first one anyway

Gratitude

Reviewing Alyssa's blog and realizing that she is a way better person than I am has made me come to the conclusion that I must make a list of all the things I can think of that I'm grateful for right now.  It's something I've always struggled with: being grateful.  I improved a lot during my mission, but now being home and having all of my comforts and being back in the normal routine has kind of swallowed up the concerted effort I made to be grateful on my mission.

That must change.

Without further ado, I present my current grateful list:

Alyssa, her example, Christ, The Atonement, grace, God's unfailing love, His plan, revelation, a capable mind, a functional body, feelings, organization, technology, having grown up in a family where the gospel was taught, having my basic needs met always, people who love me enough to correct me, the scriptures, prayer, other prime examples of disciples in my life, my ability to imitate, spiritual gifts, work, people's interest in my overall well-being, family, friends, temples, the priesthood, music, the Spirit, service, and hope.

That's everything that I've been particularly grateful for lately.  The list will be much longer when I've thought more and had more experiences to help me be more grateful for more things.  I could spend a whole day in my mission praying for things I was grateful for.  I want to be able to do that again.

Writing this post, it made me think why it even bothered me that I don't feel as grateful as I used to.  I'm certain that gratitude is a godly trait.  I'm certain that Heavenly Father is sincerely grateful for our efforts to be grateful.  I'll keep working on it so that I can please Him and become a little tiny bit more like Him.  Maybe before too long it'll be almost effortless and natural to be grateful.  I think that's my goal: to naturally be more grateful and also to express it when I feel it.  I lack a lot in a lot of areas, but I think that's a great place to start.  Don't you?

We Survived It

So all of last week, Lys went on a family trip to San Francisco.  Naturally, that originally looked like it was going to suck and I wouldn't see her for a week.  It actually worked out pretty well, though, and now she's back and we're happier than ever.

 Skype was a lifesaver.

It was interesting to see the way my attitude changed over the course of the week.  At first, it was just going to suck and I'd be bored and sad and have nothing to do.  By the end of the week, I was ok with her being gone.  I missed her like I never have before, but it was a very peaceful kind of missing.  There was really nothing negative about it.  I guess just calling it a longing would be more correct.

What I learned from this is that although I'm certain that Alyssa completes me and makes me so much better than I ever will be without her, I can stand on my own.  I've developed enough as a person to live my own life.  There's something strange about how that kind of independence has made our relationship stronger.  It would seem to me that knowing that I can be independent would mean I would be less dependent and less interested in being with her all the time.  However, knowing that I'm my own person and she is also makes me just want to have that chemistry with both of our personalities.  I guess that's all that I'm getting at: we have great chemistry.

Thanks to that realization, I've uncovered yet more new levels of love for her.  That's probably one of my favorite parts of this relationship.  I always get to a point where I just wonder how I could ever love her more, then we figure it out and I do.  It's great!

That along with a few personal goals/resolutions have combined to make this last week with her gone a pretty good one.

But having her back is even better.




Before I left, I always used to tell her, "It'll all be worth it." Even though we aren't married or even engaged yet, I can definitely say that it was all worth it.  She's the greatest thing that's ever happened to me, and having left her for so long then coming back to her was maybe the best thing that's happened to us so far. 

In summary:

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

A Little Overdue

On Wednesday I got a long overdue birthday present from Alyssa.  It's so long overdue, in fact, that she already gave me my birthday present from this year.  It's all good, though.  While I was in Mexico, she promised me the Dream Theater album that had just come out, so it's not a big deal that she didn't buy it right then.  Really, I think it worked out better this way, though.  She just left for a week-long vacation, so I guess it's nice to have something fresh from her right at this moment.

 In this case, RM doesn't stand for Riviera Maya, it stands for Returned Missionary, despite what the shirt may lead you to believe.  Who knows why 1969 though...

First off, the album is "A Dramatic Turn of Events", by Dream Theater, and it is awesome.  Favorite tracks include (but are not limited to) "Lost Not Forgotten" and "Beneath the Surface".  Also, new Dream Theater album is coming September 24.  I'm stoked.

Second, I have no idea what I'll be doing this week.  I'm sure I can find normal things to keep me busy, but that just sounds so boring... I've had several ideas of things to do and projects to work on, but sometimes I let apathy get the best of me.  Maybe now that I have a full week of free time after 6, I can start some of those.  We shall see.

Thirdly, I can tell I'm going to miss Alyssa a lot.  Call me a baby, but it's true.  I know she'll only be gone a week (compared to two years, it should be cake), but letting her leave me again without the assurance that she'll be mine when she's back is almost too hard for me.  That probably seems really illogical and kind of stupid, but that's the way I think.  I've come to understand the role that commitment plays in life, especially in the process of making changes.  For me, it's hard to see how she, without having made the commitment to be with me, could actually follow through with it.  I saw time and time again as investigators tried to make changes, but never commited to do the action.  They even really wanted to change, but without the commitment, they couldn't.  I guess all that I'm getting at is that I'm pretty hard-hearted when it comes to these types of situations.  I'm just hoping beyond hope that Alyssa has made that commitment with herself even if she hasn't made it with me yet.

Lastly, and ironically, thinking about the timing of this present made me think of timely gifts in a different sense.  Thinking how it was actually better that she gave it to me on Wednesday than right when I got back or something helped me to understand that a good gift in the inopportune moment loses a great deal of value.  A large part of why I enjoy getting blessings so much is because of the timing in which they come.  Knowing that it came when it did because it was orchestrated by a loving Father is so much more precious than just getting everything at once.  I just keep getting all of these reminders to be patient, and I'm really trying, but it definitely isn't easy.  Maybe I'll learn my lesson before too long, and hopefully before Alyssa gives me an answer so I can actually put it in practice with her.  That would be a precious experience.

Just by way of recapitulation, for the present, we're just dating and trying to have fun and strengthen our relationship.  It's been great, and I've loved it so much, but it's still not everything I feel like I need.  My love for her grows every day, and I know it will keep doing so, but this isn't my goal.  Going to my two best friends' wedding on Saturday certainly didn't help with this situation, either, even though it was a great wedding and I love those two.  Anyway, that's where we're at.  Hopefully a week apart will have an impact on Lys, and I'll survive without her for this week.